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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29425005">Icarus</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonsonthemoon/pseuds/demonsonthemoon'>demonsonthemoon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Les Misérables - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aromantic Jean Prouvaire, Background Grantaire/Enjolras, Fansong, Filk, M/M, Song fic, The Jetaire is platonic/QPR, but non-reciprocal/not healthy, fanmusic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:06:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,003</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29425005</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonsonthemoon/pseuds/demonsonthemoon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Grantaire might be in love with Enjolras, but he knew damn well that that relationship is unhealthy and only brings pain to everyone around them.<br/>So it is really that hard to understand that he would pick Jehan over the other man, sweetness over destruction?</p><p>Grantaire doesn't have the anwer to that question but he did write a song about it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Grantaire &amp; Jean Prouvaire, Grantaire/Jean Prouvaire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Icarus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/anastasiapullingteeth/gifts">anastasiapullingteeth</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy anniversary Caro! I say this every year, but I am genuinely so happy that I met you, and it means so much to still have you in my life today.</p><p>I wasn't sure what I wanted this year's treat to the boys to be. I'm still obsessed with the narrative possibilities of R being in love with Enjolras but choosing his platonic relationship with Jehan over pursuing anything with E. Still, the topic seemed too similar to what I wrote last year, so since I had no other idea I thought... why not change the format and make it a song?</p><p>I really hope you enjoy it!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</div><p>“We could have just had a conversation about this, you know?”</p><p>Grantaire felt is cheeks blush, as well as the urge to pull his beanie down over his face and hide. Instead he just clenched his left hand around the neck of his ukulele and his right one on his thigh.</p><p>“I know. I just... I had this idea, you know?”</p><p>Jehan nodded. He was an artist too, he knew what it was like to be hit with a wave of inspiration and have it take over your whole brain until you found a way to let it out into the world.</p><p>“And I thought it might make it more meaningful. That it would make it easier to remember, if you ever... need to.”</p><p>Grantaire felt self-conscious. This had been such a conceited idea. He'd written a song about himself, addressed to his closest friend, and now he was trying to justify it like the only reason behind it wasn't that he was just too awkward to have a proper conversation like a normal human being. Like it hadn't just been a way to give order to and exteriorize his own feelings. Like it had had anything to do with Jehan at all.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Jehan's hand carefully covered Grantaire's where it had been digging into his thigh. He tried to force himself to relax.</p><p>“I liked it. I liked it a lot. And you're right. I think it will. Help. It's just... it's a lot, you know.”</p><p>Grantaire shrugged. “I mean, you do know me, don't you?”</p><p>Jehan smiled at that, relaxing slightly. “You do have a tendency for big gestures. It's sweet.”</p><p>Silence settled between them once more. Grantaire fought the urge to fidget. His nerves had been building for more than a day, and they still hadn't dissipated.</p><p>“I'm sorry I didn't ask about what you actually wanted,” Jehan finally said, having seemingly thought over his words carefully. “I talk a big game about romantic love not being more important than other types of love, and how one shouldn't assume that it is, but I fell into the exact same trap. And I doubted you and our friendship in the process. I'm really sorry about that.”</p><p>Grantaire gave a small nod. Jehan's earnestness made him uncomfortable. He wanted to shrug the whole thing off and say that it didn't matter, but he knew if was better to have an adult conversation about it. “Apology accepted.”</p><p>Jehan grinned. “Can I ask a question though?”</p><p>“Yeah, shoot.”</p><p>“I get comparing Enjolras to the sun, the mythology of it all makes sense.”</p><p>Grantaire could feel his blush make a vengeful comeback. His infatuation (he refused to call it love during the day, at least when he was sober) with Enjolras was a known fact among their group of friends, but Grantaire still felt uncomfortable with it being talked about so openly.</p><p>“But you as Icarus... It makes it all sound so... dark. So violent and painful.”</p><p>Grantaire shrugged. “You know Enjolras. You know how he gets when I piss him off. How <em>I </em>get when I want to piss him off.”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>Grantaire shook his head. “I know you and Courfeyrac both have this idea that me and Enjolras are a tragic love story or something, that one day we'll realize we really do love each other more than anything else and I'll quit drinking for him and he'll stop snapping at me and get all lovey-dovey or whatever. But that's not how real life works. Real life is that we've both already tried and it always ends with one of us getting hurt. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of making my own life hell for something that might never come true.”</p><p>“Doesn't that... make you sad?”</p><p>He shrugged. “A little, I guess. But I'm not sure reciprocation is that important in the grand scheme of things.”</p><p>He was oversimplifying thing. It had taken him literal <em>years </em>to accept that his feelings for Enjolras weren't reciprocal, at least not how he wanted them to be.</p><p>“If you...” He winced, but forced himself through it. “If you're in love with someone, that's it. That's the feeling. It's yours and doesn't imply anything about the other person. Enjolras and I aren't good for each other. So really, my feelings for him are no business of his.”</p><p>Jehan gripped his hand where Grantaire was once again clenching it against his thigh. “I'm proud of you, you know?”</p><p>Grantaire tried to smile, felt himself fail. “Nothing to be proud about. I know I didn't really make it clear. What you mean to me. In spite of Enjolras and whatever my feelings are for him. I know it hurt you. More than I realized. So this is just... I just wanted to try and make it better.”</p><p>When Grantaire tried to draw Jehan, he always represented him with a specific kind of smile. An expression that was bright, open, that reached all the way to his eyes, but still managed to keep an edge of sadness. A softness that was all melancholy.</p><p>It was the smile that Jehan had on right then.</p><p>“It's good,” Jehan replied. “<em>We</em>'re good. What we have is good. <em>You</em>'re good.” He laughed at himself a little. “Really. It's all good.”</p><p>Slowly, he pried Grantaire's fingers open where they were still tight around his ukulele. He put the instrument on the bedside table, where there was less risk it would get knocked over.</p><p>Then he put his hands on either side of Grantaire's face. The other man felt vulnerable under that intense gaze, but it was a sensation he was used to. That was how Jehan was. His emotions were always too big for his body alone, they leaked into the air around him and filled the lungs of anyone who came to close.</p><p>Grantaire was very, <em>very </em>close.</p><p>“Thank you for loving me,” Jehan said.</p><p>Grantaire didn't know what to answer to that. He pressed his response into Jehan's mouth anyway.</p>
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